Tag Archives: psychology

Why February is the best month

As part of my therapy, I have to do a ‘glass half full’ exercise.

So here are eight reasons why February is my favourite month – despite it officially being the worst month of the year. 

1. You’ve given up on all your New Year’s Resolutions by now. So you can drink, smoke, take drugs, eat fatty foods, swear, get into fights, sit around doing no exercise, etc without feeling like a complete failure. 

2. The weather is quite shit so there’s a chance of getting off work or school without lying. 

3. You can be really pissed off and you’re allowed to blame it on the month – and no-one criticises you for being a maungy* twat.

4. It has a silent ‘r’ that some people pronounce, allowing you to silently despise them. 

5. Lots of people die in February so you can get free food and drink at wakes. 

6. You can wear long johns without being called a freak. 

7. Jehovah’s Witnesses get really cold – either door to door or at their city centre stalls. 

8. If you find yourself saying: ‘I can’t wait until this month is over’, it will be soon because it’s so short – like this excuse for a blog post. 

* West Yorkshire dialect for bad-tempered, sulky, generally jacked off with life, feeling like a right skank, etc. 

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Why failure is better than success. Weeping? Then read

 by Simon Henry @simlington Originally published on 5 March 2014

Trying to give something up for Lent? Sorry but you’ll probably fail.
And – if you don’t believe in Catholic guilt – you probably won’t take your failure too seriously.
(Unless your attempt to stop murdering people had just failed. Gulp.)
This introduction is in danger of failing.
So let’s move on, shall we?

baboon
In everyday life, there are many reasons to prefer failure to success.

“Everyone likes a nice arse; no-one likes a smart arse” almost makes this point.
But ultimately it fails to make the point. And you liked that failure, didn’t you?
Point made. Successfully. Oh balls. Another failed paragraph.

Anyway… Here’s why failure is better than success.

1. Most people who make a success of their lives are monumental pains in the arse.
Think about the people you personally know who are more successful than you are. A certain part of you hates them. And rightly so.

Really annoying successful people include Tony Blair, Kim Jong-Un and Ronnie Corbett. I can’t think of any real failures who are similarly irritating.
(Except perhaps Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards and Jedward.)

2. Success on the National Lottery means you’re more likely to vote Tory.
If voting Tory is the price of success, I’m not prepared to pay.
Unless I win the Lottery – in which case I could easily afford to pay it, couldn’t I?
Here’s the relevant report in The Independent.
Or you may just think it’s irrelevant because the chances of winning it are so tiny. Another fail.

3. An Abraham Lincoln quote: “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”
The answer is “Yes. I’m content with my failure. Thanks for your concern, Abe.”
My favourite Abraham Lincoln quote is this one:

Abraham-Lincoln-quote
Success at last?

4. Failures always provide better anecdotes than successes.
The ‘I started off selling second-hand cats door-to-door and now I own a string of high-class brothels’ type of story is tedious.
Actually, this success story sounds pretty good – but I chose a poor example.
Whereas, a story describing how you got your school’s worst ever mark in Grade 5 double bass provides hilarious after-dinner conversational fare. Honest.

5. Successful people read books like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Failures don’t.
If that’s true, I’m a failure. But I’m not sure it actually is true.

So where does that leave us? …

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Copyright Simon Henry @simlington 2014