Tag Archives: joke

Best short gin jokes, puns and quotes – let the fun be-gin

Too much gin can make you tearful – so here’s an antidote. Some lovely gin jokes and one-liners to read and share while you’re enjoying an ice cold G&T.

Brought to you by a lovely new smooth dry gin from the ancient walled city, York Gin

– “I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.” -WC Fields

– Don’t cry over spilt milk: it could have been gin.

– “I don’t know what reception I’m at but, for God’s sake, give me a gin and tonic.” – Denis Thatcher

– If at first you don’t succeed, try, try a gin.

– What’s the sophisticated drinker’s favourite Xmas carol? Gin-gle bells, gin-gle bells ….

– “Trust me you can dance.” ⁃ Gin

– When life gives you lemons (or limes) make a gin and tonic.

– Save water: drink gin.

– PLEASE DRINK GIN RESPONSIBLY. Don’t spill it.

– “The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.” – Phyllis Diller

– A gin and tonic has 91 calories. A banana has 115 calories. My doctor told me to make the healthy choice. I love my doctor.

– A yawn is a silent scream for gin.

– I want someone to look at me the same way I look at gin.

– Gin and bear it.

– Good friends offer advice. Real friends offer gin.

– Exercise. Walking round the house looking for my glass of gin.

– I didn’t text you. Gin did.

– Sometimes I have a bath because it’s difficult to drink gin in the shower.

– If you can’t remember my name just say ‘Gin’ and I’ll turn around.

– I love you slightly less than gin.

– Gin lovers are better lovers.

– I make gin disappear. What’s your superpower?

– Education is important. But gin is importanter.

– Gin and tonic is the answer … What was the question?

– Gin: because everyone needs a hobby.

– Size does matter. No-one wants a small gin and tonic.

– A day without gin is like … I have no idea.

– A woman goes into a bar with a roll of tarmac in her bag. She says: “A large gin and tonic please. And one for the road.”

– You should have a warm heart and a cold gin and tonic.

Brought to you by York Gin – check out their website. They have a great story to tell and you can buy their gorgeous gin on there too! You can also buy it in and around York plus a growing number of bars outside the city including the famous London Gin Club.

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The world’s best, funniest, most hilarious cheese jokes of all time

Say cheese! There – you’re already smiling.

During my research I’ve sliced out the cheesiest jokes – so you only get the grate ones. Whey to go!

A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me.
I thought: ‘That’s not very mature.’

Would a smoked cheese grow on a tree? No, but an applewood.

What cheese is very succinct?
Brie-f.

What did the melted cheese say to the unlucky tortilla?
It’s nacho day.

How do you handle dangerous cheese? Caerphilly.

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Halloumi.

Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone?
Because the roquefort back.

What’s the world’s most annoying cheese?
Paris Stilton.

Why can’t you make clothes out of cheese?
Because fromage frays.

There was an explosion at a French cheese factory.
All that was left was de-Brie.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

Which hotel do mice stay in?
The Stilton.

What cheese do you use to disguise a horse?
Mascarpone.

What’s a Christian’s favourite snack.
Little baby cheeses.

Why do the cheese family go to Blackpool for their holidays?
Because they love the hallouminations.

Armageddon Cheese. Best before end.

 

Want some more jokes? Here are the best short jokes and one liners of all time

And here are the best Christmas and Easter jokes around.

Feel free to add any I’ve missed in the comments – you’d be crackers not to.

The best, funniest, most hilarious Easter jokes ever

To celebrate Easter, here are some of the funniest short Easter jokes ever. It includes Easter puns, Easter one-liners and even rude Easter jokes.
What do you call a group of bunnies marching backwards?
A receding hareline.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.

What do you call a duck that just doesn’t fit in? 
Mallardjusted.
 
How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
Hide in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot.
 
How are rabbits like calculators?
They both multiply really quickly. 
 
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Just look for the grey hares.

Son: Daddy, where’s mummy?
Dad: She’s with Jesus now.
Son: What – she’s dead?
Dad: No, she ran off with a Mexican waiter.
 
What do you get if the rabbit warren air conditioning stops working during a heatwave?
Hot, cross bunnies.

What’s the best philosophy for Easter? 
Eggsistentialism. 
 
How did Jesus feel about being crucified?
Cross.
 
Jesus walks up to a hotel receptionist, hands over three nails and asks: ‘Can you put me up for the night?’

Here are the best short jokes of all time.
And topically enough Here’s how you can get excommunicated from the Catholic church – by email!