Category Archives: Rude

Best puns about Donald Trump and truth

Here are seven of the best puns about Donald Trump’s weird relationship to the truth. 

What is Trump’s favourite resting position? 
Lying. 

What is Trump’s favourite stringed instrument? 
The lyre. 

What are Trump’s favourite parasitic insects? 
Lice.

What four-letter anagram of a wild animal’s living place best describes Trump?
Lair. 

What’s Trump’s favourite method of setting German Romantic poems to music?
The lied

What’s the difference between Trump and cats?
Cats only lie 80% of the time.

What is Trump’s favourite liquid metal hydroxide?
Lye.

I thought of these all by myself. 
Feel free to share these puns with your friends and enemies. And add more if you can think of any. 

Trump is entertaining.  

He’s also a dangerous, lying would-be dictator who needs to be called out on his amazing relationship with facts.

If you like laughs – and who doesn’t need laughs at this time in our history? – here are the best short jokes ever and here are the best cheese jokes of all time

Advertisements

The best offensive, controversial and awkward Christmas jokes

Here are some festive jokes that are ruder, more anti-religious and have more sexual content than your average Xmas gags. Ho, ho, ho!

At Christmas, I remember closing my eyes and waiting for Santa to come. Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left …

What does a transvestite do for Christmas? 

Eat, drink and be Mary.

Christmas is rubbish. 

Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross. 

Why does Santa go in through the chimney?

Because Mrs Claus said he’d never get in through the back door. 

What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stopped at three hoes. 

I wanted my step-daughter to play with the rabbit I bought her for Christmas.

But her mother said that sex toys were not an appropriate gift for an eight year old.

Last night, Father Christmas emptied his sack in our room – which is why I’m leaving your mother.

Why was Santa upset when he got a sweater for Christmas?

He was hoping for a screamer or a moaner. 

‘Twas the night before Christmas. And a very pregnant Mary fell off the donkey – causing a miscarriage.

As I was paying for my Christmas tree, the shop assistant asked: ‘Are you going to put that up yourself?’

I said: ‘No you dirty sod, I’m putting it up in the living room.’

Jesus walks into a hotel with three nails and asks the receptionist: ‘Can you put me up for the night?’

Why are priests like Christmas trees?

Their little balls are just for decoration. 

Here are less offensive – but probably funnier – short Xmas jokes

And here’s how to get excommunicated from the Catholic Church