As part of my therapy, I have to do a ‘glass half full’ exercise.
So here are eight reasons why February is my favourite month – despite it officially being the worst month of the year.
1. You’ve given up on all your New Year’s Resolutions by now. So you can drink, smoke, take drugs, eat fatty foods, swear, get into fights, sit around doing no exercise, etc without feeling like a complete failure.
2. The weather is quite shit so there’s a chance of getting off work or school without lying.
3. You can be really pissed off and you’re allowed to blame it on the month – and no-one criticises you for being a maungy* twat.
4. It has a silent ‘r’ that some people pronounce, allowing you to silently despise them.
5. Lots of people die in February so you can get free food and drink at wakes.
6. You can wear long johns without being called a freak.
7. Jehovah’s Witnesses get really cold – either door to door or at their city centre stalls.
8. If you find yourself saying: ‘I can’t wait until this month is over’, it will be soon because it’s so short – like this excuse for a blog post.
* West Yorkshire dialect for bad-tempered, sulky, generally jacked off with life, feeling like a right skank, etc.