Here are some festive jokes that are ruder, more anti-religious and have more sexual content than your average Xmas gags. Ho, ho, ho!
At Christmas, I remember closing my eyes and waiting for Santa to come. Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left …
What does a transvestite do for Christmas?
Eat, drink and be Mary.
Christmas is rubbish.
Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.
Why does Santa go in through the chimney?
Because Mrs Claus said he’d never get in through the back door.
What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa stopped at three hoes.
I wanted my step-daughter to play with the rabbit I bought her for Christmas.
But her mother said that sex toys were not an appropriate gift for an eight year old.
Last night, Father Christmas emptied his sack in our room – which is why I’m leaving your mother.
Why was Santa upset when he got a sweater for Christmas?
He was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
‘Twas the night before Christmas. And a very pregnant Mary fell off the donkey – causing a miscarriage.
As I was paying for my Christmas tree, the shop assistant asked: ‘Are you going to put that up yourself?’
I said: ‘No you dirty sod, I’m putting it up in the living room.’
Jesus walks into a hotel with three nails and asks the receptionist: ‘Can you put me up for the night?’
Why are priests like Christmas trees?
Their little balls are just for decoration.
Here are less offensive – but probably funnier – short Xmas jokes
And here’s how to get excommunicated from the Catholic Church