5 things to give up this Lent to improve your job (and avoid thrombosis)

by Simon Henry @simlington

Let’s face it work can be a right pain in the backside can’t it? A stroppy boss, impossible targets, a coffee machine that’s run out of mocha pumpkin skinny latte. They’re nearly enough to jack it in and go on benefits.


And it’s not just work. Home can be pretty ‘challenging’ too – especially if the other half is blatantly having a passionate affair, the kids have started playing with matches instead of Lego or – heaven forbid – the WiFi’s a bit slow.

And don’t get me started on commuting – speed bumps, red lights, rain … The list of unbearable frustrations is literally endless. I’m not going to give advice on relationships or driving – they’re too complicated and you just won’t listen, will you?

But I can give you advice on The Office. I’ve watched it loads – especially Series 2.

So here’s a topical list of things you can give up to make work less crap this Lent.

1. Stop emailing people who are within a radius of 20 metres. Getting up, walking over and talking to them may help you avoid thrombosis – and you may find you actually stop hating them.

2. Stop eating your lunch at your desk. And while you’re at it turn your keyboard over and prepare to be disgusted by what tumbles out. If you get up and walk somewhere else to eat – you may avoid contracting thrombosis – and salmonella.

3. Stop farting. If you fart a lot at work and also find yourself marginalised socially and professionally there may be a correlation. Think carefully about your diet and whether Imodium might be a career saver.

4. Stop messing about on Facebook on your phone. It’s stressful pretending you’re not on Facebook when in fact you are. Can’t you wait until lunchtime to do the latest ‘What fish/king of England/porn star are you?’ quiz or read the latest ‘Share this or you’ll get cancer’ threat? I’m not saying you should work harder but there are better ways to waste your time. I find looking out of the window is great.

Even better if I’m scratching something at the same time. Even better if there’s a car crash or a fight to stare at.

5. Stop wondering what it would be like if you had a better job. If you hate your job, find another one – there’s this thing called the internet which makes it quite easy these days. If your job’s okay, then you should probably stop complaining about it.

Complaining is boring for the listener and can give the complainer thrombosis. If you love your job then do you think you might just stop looking quite so smug?

Make sure you follow me @ simlington on Twitter

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Copyright Simon Henry @simlington 2014


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